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Whibley, Charles, 1859-1930

"A Book of Scoundrels"

This is that incomparable
medicament, which the republican physicians call the wonder-working
plaster. It is truly catholic in operation, and somewhat akin to the
Jesuit's powder, but more effectual. The virtues of it are strange and
various; it makes justice deaf as well as blind, and takes out spots of
the deepest treason more cleverly than castle-soap does common stains;
it alters a man's constitution in two or three days, more than the
virtuoso's transfusion of blood can do in seven years. 'Tis a great
alexiopharmick, and helps poisonous principles of rebellion, and those
that use them. It miraculously exalts and purifies the eyesight, and
makes traitors behold nothing but innocence in the blackest malefactors.
'Tis a mighty cordial for a declining cause; it stifles faction or
schism, as certainly as the itch is destroyed by butter and brimstone.
In a word, it makes wise men fools, and fools wise men, and both knaves.
The very colour of this precious balm is bright and dazzling. If it
be properly applied to the fist, that is in a decent manner, and a
competent dose, it infallibly performs all the cures which the evils
of humanity crave.' Thus having spoken, he killed the six horses of
Bradshaw's coach, and went contemptuously on his way.
But he was not a Cavalier merely in sympathy, nor was he content to
prove his loyalty by robbing Roundheads. He, too, would strike a blow
for his King, and he showed, first with the royal army in Scotland, and
afterwards at Worcester, what he dared in a righteous cause.


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