Matters went on in this way for a considerable time. You will
admit I was rendered feelingly sensible of my error, and I resolved to
correct it. But my resolutions were always made of paper; they were like
a complaisant debtor--full of promises, praying for grace, and
dexterously evading performance. Thus, day after day, I deferred the
adoption of my new system to a future period. For, sir, you must be
aware there is a pleasure in procrastination, of a nature the most
alluring and destructive; but it is a pleasure purchased by the
sacrifice of judgment: in its nature and results it resembles the
happiness of the drunkard; for, in exact ratio as our spirits are raised
above their proper level, in the same proportion, when the ardent
effects have evaporated, they sink beneath that level.
"I was now too proud to work as a mere journeyman, and I commenced
business for myself; but I began without capital, and a gourd of sorrow
hung over me, while I stood upon sand. I had some credit; but, as my
bills became payable, I ever found I had put off, till the very day they
became due, the means of liquidating them; then had I to run and borrow
five pounds from one, and five shillings from another, urged by despair,
from a hundred quarters. My creditors grew clamorous; my wife upbraided
me; I flew to the bottle--to the bottle!" he repeated; "and my ruin was
complete--my family, business, everything, was neglected.
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