Margaret Sweet, the Eton pastry-cook
and confectioner, finds her name united in bands of brass with Mr.
Benjamin Bittertart, the baker. The celebrated Christopher Caustic,
Esq., surgeon, has the mortification to find his Esculapian dormitory
decorated with the sign-board of Mr. Slaughtercalf, a German butcher;
while his handsome brass pestle
~57~~
and mortar, with the gilt Galen's head annexed, have been waggishly
transferred to the house of some Eton Dickey Gossip, barber and dentist.
Mr. Index, the bookseller, changes names with old Frank Finis, the
sexton. The elegant door plate of Miss Caroline Cypher, spinster, is
placed on the right side of Nicodemus
Number, B.A., and fellow of Eton, with this note annexed: "New rule of
Addition, according to Cocker." Old Amen, the parish clerk, is united to
Miss Bridget Silence, the pew opener; and Theophilus White, M.D. changes
place with Mr. Sable, the undertaker. But we shall become too grave if
we proceed deeper with this subject. There is no end to the whimsical
alterations and ludicrous changes that take place upon these occasions,
when scarce a sign or door plate in Eton escapes some pantomimic
transformation.*
* Representations to the masters or authorities are scarcely
ever necessary to redress these whimsical grievances, as the
injured parties are always remunerated.
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