This is good
business, for while these merchants must be left free to buy in the
open market, they naturally give my house precedence. But here
again I must say in fairness to myself that business interest is not
the only motive that induces me to do them these favors.
Indeed, in some cases I do it without even expecting to get my
money back.
It gives me moral satisfaction, for which money is no measure of
value
CHAPTER VII
AM I happy? There are moments when I am overwhelmed by a
sense of my success and ease. I become aware that thousands of
things which had formerly been forbidden fruit to me are at my
command now. I distinctly recall that crushing sense of being
debarred from everything, and then I feel as though the whole
world were mine. One day I paused in front of an old East Side
restaurant that I had often passed in my days of need and despair.
The feeling of desolation and envy with which I used to peek in its
windows came back to me. It gave me pangs of self-pity for my
past and a thrilling sense of my present power.
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