"In fact, I abhor
her. Why, then, am I so crazy to carry on with her?" It was the
same question that I had once asked myself concerning my
contradictory feelings for Red Esther, but my knowledge of life
had grown considerably since then
In those days I had made the discovery that there were "kisses
prompted by affection and kisses prompted by Satan." I now
added that even love of the flesh might be of two distinct kinds:
"There is love of body and soul, and there is a kind of love that is
of the body only," I theorized. "There is love and there is lust."
I thought of my feeling for Matilda. That certainly was love
Various details of my relations with Matilda came back to me
during these days
One afternoon, as I was brooding over these recollections, while
passively awaiting customers at my cart, I conjured up that night
scene when she sat on the great green sofa and I went into
ecstasies speaking of my prospective studies for admission to a
Russian university. I recalled how she had been irritated with me
for talking too loud and how, calling me "Talmud student," or
ninny, she had abruptly left the room.
Pages:
174
175
176
177
178
179
180
181
182
183
184
185
186
187
188
189
190
191
192
193
194
195
196
197
198