The shock of the catastrophe had produced a striking effect on me.
My incessant broodings, and the corroding sense of my great
irreparable loss and of my desolation had made a nerveless,
listless wreck of me, a mere shadow of my former self. I was
incapable of sustained thinking
My communions with God were quite rare now. Nor did He take
as much interest in my studies as He used to. Instead of the Divine
Presence shining down on me while I read, the face of my
martyred mother would loom before me. Once or twice in my
hungry rambles I visited Abner's Court and let my heart be racked
by the sight of what had once been our home, mother's and mine. I
said prayers for her three times a day with great devotion, with a
deep yearning. But this piety was powerless to restore me to my
former feeling for the Talmud
I distinctly recall how I would shut my eyes and vision my mother
looking at me from her grave, her heart contracted with anguish
and pity for her famished orphan. It was an excruciating vision,
yet I found comfort in it.
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