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Ditchfield, P. H. (Peter Hampson), 1854-1930

"The Parish Clerk (1907)"

"
* * * * *
Nicholson, the clerk of St. Bees, if any student was called away in
term, invariably gave out Psalm cvii., fourth part, "They that in ships
with courage bold." In those days there were no trains and no hymns.
* * * * *
At Barkham there is an old clerk who succeeded his father half a century
ago.
During the rebuilding of the church his sire, whose name was Elijah,
once visited a neighbouring parish church, and arrived rather late, just
when the rector was giving out the text: "What doest thou here,
Elijah?" Elijah gave a respectful salute, and replied: "Please, sur,
Barkham Church is undergoing repair, so I be cumed 'ere!"
* * * * *
Canon Rawnsley tells a pathetic little story of an old clerk who begged
him not to read the service so fast: "For you moost gie me toime, Mr.
Rawnsley, you moost i'deed. You moost gie me toime, for I've a
graaceless wife an' two godless soons to praay for."
* * * * *
Hawker tells a story of the parish clerk at Morwenstow whose wife used
to wash the parson's surplices. He came home one night from a prolonged
visit at the village inn, the "Bush," and finding his wife's scolding
not to his mind and depressing, he said, "Look yere, my dear, if you
doan't stop, I'll go straight back again.


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