"I'm put here to stop you,"
said the man. "Oh! I see," said the gentleman; "you're what they call
the _rude_ screen, aren't you?"
* * * * *
A clergyman in the diocese of Wakefield told me that when first he came
to the parish he found things in a very neglected state, and among other
changes he introduced an early celebration of the Holy Communion. An old
clerk collected the offertory, and when he brought it up to the
clergyman he said, "There's eight on 'em, but two 'asn't paid."
* * * * *
A verger was showing a lady over a church when she asked him if the
vicar was a married man. "No, ma'am," he answered, "he's a chalybeate."
* * * * *
A verger showing a large church to a stranger, pointed out another man
and said, "That is the other verger." The gentleman said, "I did not
know there were two of you," and the verger replied, "Oh, yes, sir, he
werges up one side of the church and I werges up the other."
* * * * *
On my first visit to Almondbury to preach, the verger came to me in the
vestry and said, "A've put a platform in t' pulpit for ye; you'll excuse
me, but a little man looks as if he was in a toob." (N.B. To prevent
undue inferences I am five feet nine inches in height.
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