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Ditchfield, P. H. (Peter Hampson), 1854-1930

"The Parish Clerk (1907)"

The service proceeded with due decorum until we arrived
at the grave, when those who were preparing to lower the coffin in it
discovered that it had not been dug large enough to receive it. This of
course created a very awkward pause while it was made larger, and the
chief mourner utilised it by gently remonstrating with the clerk for his
carelessness. In reply he gave a solemn shake of his head, cast one eye
into the grave and the other at the chief mourner, and merely remarked,
"Putty (pretty) nigh though," meaning that the offence after all was not
so very great, as he had almost accomplished his task. Obliged to keep
my countenance, I had, as may be imagined, some difficulty.
A very amusing incident once took place when I had a couple before me
to be married. All went well until I asked the question, "Who giveth
this woman to be married to this man?" when an individual stepped
forward, and snatching the ring out of the bride-groom's hand, began
placing it on a finger of the bride. As all was confusion I signed to
the old clerk to put matters straight. Attired in a brown coat and
leather gaiters, with spectacles on his nose, and a large Prayer Book in
his hands, he came shuffling forward from the background, exclaiming out
loud, "Bless me, bless me! never knew such a thing happen afore in all
my life!" The service was completed without any further interruption,
but again I had a sore difficulty in keeping my countenance.


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