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Ditchfield, P. H. (Peter Hampson), 1854-1930

"The Parish Clerk (1907)"

Legge's baptismal story reminds me of a friend who was christening
the child of a gipsy, when the name given was "Neptin." This puzzled him
sorely, but suddenly recollecting that he had baptized another gipsy
child "Britannia," without any hesitation he at once named the infant
"Neptune." Mr. Eagles was once puzzled when the sponsor gave the name
"Acts." "'Acts!' said I. 'What do you mean?' Thinks I to myself, I will
_ax_ the clerk to spell it. He did: A-C-T-S. So Acts was the babe, and
will be while in this life, and will be doubly, trebly so registered if
ever he marries or dies. Afterwards, in the vestry, I asked the good
woman what made her choose such a name. Her answer _verbatim_: 'Why,
sir, we be religious people; we've got your on 'em already, and they be
caal'd Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John, and so my husband thought we'd
compliment the apostles a bit.'"
Mr. Legge adds the following stories:
My first curacy was in Norfolk in the year 1858, a period when the old
style of parish clerk had not disappeared. On one occasion I was asked
by a friend in a neighbouring parish to take a funeral service for him.
On arriving at the church I was received by a very eccentric clerk. It
seemed as if his legs were hung upon wires, and before the service began
he danced about the church in a most peculiar and laughable manner, and
in addition to this he had a hideous squint, one eye looking north and
the other south.


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