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Ditchfield, P. H. (Peter Hampson), 1854-1930

"The Parish Clerk (1907)"

Some of them are well known
and have often been repeated; but perhaps it is well that they should
not be omitted here.
About the year 1850 a clerk gave out in his rector's hearing this
notice: "There'll be no service next Sunday, as the rector's going out
grouse-shooting."
A Devonshire hunting parson went to help a neighbouring clergyman in the
old days when all kinds of music made up the village choir.
Unfortunately some difficulty arose in the tuning of the instruments.
The fiddles and bass-viol would not accord, and the parson grew
impatient. At last, leaning over the reading-desk and throwing up his
arms, he shouted out, "Hark away, Jack! Hark away, Jack! Tally-ho!
Tally-ho![71]"
[Footnote 71: _Mumpits and Crumpits_, by Sarah Hewitt, p. 175.]
Another clerk caused amusement and consternation in a south-country
parish and roused the rector's wrath. The young rector, who was of a
sporting turn of mind, told him that he wanted to get to Worthing on a
Sunday afternoon in time for the races which began on the following day,
and that therefore there would be no service. This was explained to the
clerk in confidence. The rector's horror may be imagined when he heard
him give out in loud sonorous tones: "This is to give notice, no suvviss
here this arternoon, becos measter meyans to get to Worthing to-night to
be in good toime for reayces to-morrow mornin'.


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