In other words, that he had failed in business.
The blow, long suspended over his head; and as I afterwards learned,
long dreaded, and long averted by the most desperate expedients to
save himself from ruin, when it did fall, was too heavy for him. It
crushed the life out of his enfeebled system. That fearful night he
died!
It is not my purpose to draw towards the survivors any sympathy, by
picturing the changes in their fortunes and modes of life that
followed this sad event. They have all endured much and suffered
much. But how light has it been to what my father must have endured
and suffered in his long struggle to sustain the thoughtless
extravagance of his family--to supply them with comforts and
luxuries, none of which he could himself enjoy! Ever before me is
the image of his gradually wasting form, and pale, sober, anxious
face. His voice, always mild, now comes to my ears, in memory,
burdened with a most touching sadness. What could we have been
thinking about? Oh, youth! how blindly selfish thou art! How unjust
in thy thoughtlessness! What would I not give to have my father back
again! This daily toil for bread, those hours of labor, prolonged
often far into the night season--how cheerful would I be if they
ministered to my father's comfort. Ah! if we had been loving and
just to him, we might have had him still. But we were neither loving
nor just.
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