And yet, in spite of it all, if
he had only made a sign! She wanted to fling herself crying into his
arms and shake him--make him listen to her wisdom, sitting on his knee
with her hands clasped round his neck. He was not really intolerant and
stupid. That had been proved by his letting her go to a Church of
England school. Her mother had expressed no wish. It was he who had
selected it.
Of her mother she had always stood somewhat in fear, never knowing when
the mood of passionate affection would give place to a chill aversion
that seemed almost like hate. Perhaps it had been good for her, so she
told herself in after years, her lonely, unguided childhood. It had
forced her to think and act for herself. At school she reaped the
benefit. Self-reliant, confident, original, leadership was granted to
her as a natural prerogative. Nature had helped her. Nowhere does a
young girl rule more supremely by reason of her beauty than among her
fellows. Joan soon grew accustomed to having her boots put on and taken
off for her; all her needs of service anticipated by eager slaves,
contending with one another for the privilege.
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