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Jacobs, W. W., 1863-1943

"Deep Waters, the Entire Collection"


"And wot about your change of 'art?" demanded one indignant matron, as
her husband reached home five seconds ahead of Mr. Billing and hid in the
scullery.
"It's changed agin," said Mr. Billing, simply.
He finished the evening in the Blue Lion, where he had one bar almost to
himself, and, avoiding his wife's reproachful glance when he arrived
home, procured some warm water and began to bathe his honourable scars.
"Mr. Purnip 'as been round with another gentleman," said his wife.
Mr. Billing said, "Oh!"
"Very much upset they was, and 'ope you'll go and see them," she
continued.
Mr. Billing said "Oh!" again; and, after thinking the matter over, called
next day at the Settlement and explained his position.
"It's all right for gentlemen like you," he said civilly. "But a man.
like me can't call his soul 'is own--or even 'is bedroom. Everybody
takes advantage of 'im. Nobody ever gives you a punch, and, as for
putting babies in your bedroom, they wouldn't dream of it."
He left amid expressions of general regret, turning a deaf ear to all
suggestions about making another start, and went off exulting in his
freedom.


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