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Various

"Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 159, October 6, 1920"

...
VIII.
In my address to the jury of matrons I was able to show pretty clearly
that the crime was the work of a gang. I proved that Denys and Joan must
have done the bulk of the dirty work, under the tactical direction of
the Barkers, who did the rest; while in the background was the sinister
figure of Mr. Winthrop, the strategical genius, the lurking Macchiavelli
of the gang.
The jury were not long in considering their verdict. They said: "We
find, your Lordship, that you did it yourself, with some lady or ladies
unknown."
That comes of being a professional humourist....
IX.
I ignored the verdict. I addressed the prisoners very severely and
sentenced them to do the Chasm hole from 6.0 A.M. to 6.0 P.M. every day
for a week, to take out cards and play out every stroke. "You,
Winthrop," I said, "with your gentlemanly cunning, your subtle
pretensions of righteousness--" But there is no space for that....
X.
As a matter of fact the jury were quite right. In company with a lady
who shall be nameless I did do it. At least, at one time I thought I
did. Only we have proved so often that somebody else did it, we have
shown so conclusively that we can't have done it, that we find ourselves
wondering if we really did.


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