I thought
also of Benhadad's servants, who went with ropes upon their heads to
their enemies for mercy. The woman of Canaan also, that would not be
daunted though called a DOG by Christ, and the man that went to
borrow bread at midnight, were also great encouragements unto me.
I never saw such heights and depths in grace and love and mercy, as
I saw after this temptation. Great sins draw out great grace; and
where guilt is most terrible and fierce, there the mercy of God in
Christ, when showed to the soul, appears most high and mighty. When
Job had passed through his calamity, he had twice as much as he had
before. Blessed be God for Jesus Christ our Lord.
If ever Satan and I did strive for any word of God in all my life,
it was for this good word of Christ: "Him that cometh to me, I will
in nowise cast out;" he at one end, and I at the other. Oh, what
work we made. It was for this, in John.6:30, I say, that we did so
tug and strive: he pulled, and I pulled; but, God be praised, I
overcame him and got sweetness from it.
I prayed to God, in prison, that he would comfort me, and give me
strength to do and suffer what he should call me to; yet no comfort
appeared, but all continued hid. I was also at this time so really
possessed with the thought of death, that oft I was as if on the
ladder with a rope about my neck: only this was some encouragement
to me: I thought I might now have an opportunity to speak my last
words unto a multitude, which I supposed would come to see me die;
and thought I, if it must be so, if God will but convert one soul by
my last words, I shall not count my life thrown away nor lost.
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