But in all these, I was as those that jostle
against the rocks; more broken, scattered, and rent. Oh, the
unthought of imaginations, frights, fears, and terrors that are
effected by a thorough application of guilt yielding to desperation.
This is the man that hath his dwelling among the tombs, with the
dead--that is always crying out, and cutting himself with stones.
But I say, all in vain; desperation will not comfort him, the old
covenant will not save him: nay, heaven and earth shall pass away
before one jot or tittle of the word and law of grace will fail or
be removed. This I saw, this I felt, and under this I groaned. Yet
this advantage I got thereby, namely, a further confirmation of the
certainty of the way of salvation, and that the Scriptures were the
word of God. Oh, I cannot now express what I then saw and felt of
the steadfastness of Jesus Christ, the Rock of man's salvation: what
was done could not be undone, added to, nor altered.
Often when I have been making towards the promise, John 6:30, I have
seen as if the Lord would refuse my soul for ever; I was often as if
I had run upon the pikes, and as if the Lord had thrust at me, to
keep me from him, as with a flaming sword. Then would I think of
Esther, who went to petition the king contrary to the law.
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