"
But Oh, the glory that I saw in that condition did still so engage
my heart, that I could seldom read of any that Christ did call; but
I presently wished, "Would I had been in their clothes; would I had
been born Peter; would I had been born John; or would I had been by
and had heard him when he called them, how would I have cried, 'O
Lord, call me also.'" But Oh, I feared he would not call me.
FEARS ABOUT ELECTION
Before thou canst know whether thou art elected, thou must believe
in Jesus Christ so really, that by thy faith there shall be life
begotten in thy soul--life from the condemning of the law; life from
the guilt of sin; life over its filth; life also to walk with God in
his Son and ways; the life of love to God the Father, to Jesus
Christ his Son, to his saints, and to his ways, because they are
holy, harmless, and altogether contrary to iniquity.
YOUNG CONVERTS
In young converts, hope and distrust, or a degree of despair, do
work and answer one another as doth the noise of the balance of the
watch in the pocket. Life and death is always the motion of the mind
then; and this noise continues until faith is stronger grown, and
until the soul is better acquainted with the methods and ways of God
with a sinner. Yea, was but a carnal man in a convert's heart, and
could see, he should discern these two, to wit, hope and fear, to
have a continual motion in the soul--wrestling and opposing one
another as do light and darkness, in striving for the victory.
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