There is not, I am persuaded, one in all the world that hath
such a desperate wicked heart as mine is. My soul is careless to do
good; but none more earnest to do that which is evil.
"Can such a one as I am live in glory? Can a holy, a just, and a
righteous God think, with honor to his name, of saving such a vile
creature as I am? Saved I would be; and who is there that would not,
were he in my condition? Indeed I wonder at the madness and folly of
others, when I see them leap and skip so carelessly about the mouth
of hell. Bold sinner, how darest thou tempt God by laughing at the
breach of his holy law? But, alas, they are not so bad one way, but
I am worse another; I wish myself were any body but myself. And yet,
here again I know not what to wish. When I see such as I believe are
coming to Jesus Christ, Oh I bless them. But I am confounded in
myself, to see how unlike I am to a very good many in the world.
They can hear, read, pray, remember, repent, he humble, and do every
thing better than so vile a wretch as I."
Thus the sense of unworthiness creates and heightens fears in the
hearts of them that are coming to Jesus Christ. But indeed it should
not, for who needs the physician but the sick? Or whom did Christ
come into the world to save, but the chief of sinners? Wherefore,
the more thou seest thy sins, the faster fly thou to Jesus Christ.
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